Manic pixie dream girl

There are few labels that I personally know and fall under and the other day I heard something that perked my ears: manic pixie dream girl.

I did a search.

Apparently these girls are extremely charming, but serve a simple and shallow purpose in the lives of men. Once they serve their purpose they disappear as quickly as they came.

I don’t know how I really feel about this. In a way I’m flattered, but in another way I’m slightly insulted. I don’t leave unless there’s a real reason for me too.

The giver

My door is never quiet. My name is constantly on lips wondering where I am with a question.

“Hey, can you help me with ___?”

I never say no, which is a bad thing sometimes, but they know and trust me and considering everything.

I’m glad they do. I’m glad that things are looking up.

Walking out

You probably don’t read this anymore; after all, I’ve blocked you and kept your secrets but honestly I hate the decision I had to make. It wasn’t easy but that’s being an adult.

There were too many things that were said that I can’t ignore. Our history is important, but that’s all it is, history. Just like this incident you’ve impacted my life in that way.

I’ve walked out on account of many reasons here are a few:

1) our friendship will never be the same afterward, I’ll be cold, distant, and unable to trust and confide in you.
2) I ruined your ___. Granted, it was ruined before I got there but I was the catalyst for pretty much everything. Even though I didn’t do anything.
3) your wife is a ___. I hate saying it but I feel it’s completely necessary now. She doesn’t listen, she doesn’t take time for you and she strongly dislikes me for a reason that never happened.
4) regardless of who you are, and the extent of your friendship with me you do not take out all your anger on me. That’s common sense. Especially in the form of text messages.
5) I’ve grown up. I don’t need somebody to hold my hand everything I take a step. You feel the need to grab it and hold it but unfortunately if this kept up I’d veer away from you anyway, and you’d chase me.

My decision is final, hate me all you want. I’m pulling the selfish card to get myself out of an unhealthy friendship. You’re a good person; we just can’t be friends.

Holding myself responsible

For most of my life, anything that went wrong with another person I blamed myself.

With the events of this past week I realize that most if not all were out of my control. I can’t keep blaming myself for people and their inadequacies. I can’t control what goes beyond the scenes.

Instead, I can just move on and forgive. Its a hard path, but I need to forgive myself. I may have been the catalyst to many things in people’s lives but I’ve never ruined them – they did.

School

A lot of my days now are preoccupied with school. Days where I wake up at ungodly hours to run and study for the next eight.

I worry all the time, I want to be the best but I hope I can be. My brain is silently fighting me and I need it to stop.

I know I can, after everything and all, I know I can. I just need to trust myself.

Tip toes on maturity

Honestly, people kill me.

If your day is going bad don’t push it on other people. Don’t bring them down with you because it just makes you sad and pathetic. As if we owe you anything for your bad mood – I’m sorry we can’t hold you by the hand and take you to the ice cream truck.

Grow up. Other people are struggling too.

Quid pro quo

I feel as though my life, as with everybody else’s is filled with compromises; some good some bad.

Yesterday I met with two:
1) the fact that people are manipulative and egotistical.
2) the fact that your own friend would want you to compromise something you believe in to teach you a lesson

The first hurt. The latter hurt more. Regardless of the lesson I would have learned, the very idea of changing myself for a lesson isn’t something that I should even consider. I might as well never have changed since before I started this blog when I probably would have compromised everything just because “I was a good friend”.

I know you’re reading this. I know you’re probably not happy for me putting you up on blast like this. But I’ve worked hard to change my attitude from” yes sir/ma’am” to “this is probably a stupid idea for attention.”