The list

One of my best friends forever grew tired of me complaining about myself and comparing myself against others. He started compiling a list.

“What is this for?”
“A list of people who would do anything for you, but more specifically, those who want you as their own.”

I’ve only known my best friend forever for five months and I’m intrigued. I see five names scrawled on the paper, including the shallow man. His is there as well.

“You can’t be serious.”
“If I weren’t engaged to the woman of my dreams, I would have fallen for you as well.”
“What about the shallow man? Why is he on here?”
“He’s here because he does love you, otherwise he would have finished you the way he wanted. He doesn’t know it yet.”

I want to vomit, but part of the reason why we get along so well is because we see through people and look to true intentions.

“I have a few other names in mind if this is what you want.”

I start writing the names from my childhood, the people I kissed, the people who gave me Valentine’s cards, the ones who called me with their fumbled confessions.

“Mem, you just realize you wrote down seventeen names.”

On the side of each name I wrote why they were on the list.

“And some you just knew, they never told you.”

“Some people, are so scared of rejection. But you know as well as I do, when our gut feelings kick in we know how they feel.”

He smiles.

“Whenever you feel down, or ugly, or upset. Look at this list. Look at how many people have tried to be with you and you knew that it wasn’t right for you. Don’t be so difficult from this point forward, promise?”

I run my fingers through the names, smile, then tear the page apart. He looks confused.

“What is that about?”

“The reason why they’re all on this list is, you’re right, I chose past them. I may have broken them in various ways, but you know, I can hold them as strength in my heart and not a decree on a piece of paper.”

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