Disconnect

Often times I feel disconnected from society.

I’m shy, I keep to myself, yet I know when to be gregarious and fun. But it drains me.

But day in and day out my phone has no messages, no calls, parties go on without me and all I can hear is that:

“It’s not that nobody dislikes you, but nobody understands you.”

I get it. I hear it all my life and then some. I want to be understood; but I don’t want to let people know my need to be understood.

My neighbor is prettier than me, quieter than me and everyone else walks past my room to bang on hers, invites her to parties, which generally means I get invited out of pity and as an auxiliary.

I’d be lying if I said none of this bothered me. I’ve always felt so disconnected from everybody. The people who care don’t live anywhere near me and even then I’m not on their minds.

I invited a few people to a free hockey game and they all mysteriously had plans. My neighbor had plans too. I just wonder sometimes if they’re only nice to me because I’m there and they have to be.

I wish they’d stop pretending then and let me hear why I’m so disconnected from them.

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