I find myself constantly wondering if this was the right decision; whether rejecting the one person who I truly had feelings for from marriage was the right choice.

In two weeks my life will change again and this time it’ll be worse before it gets better. Its a milestone and its amazing in the sense that I will be doing something even more incredible than last year. I will have achieved so much.

And why am I so scared? I find myself standing knee deep in a pool shivering. My mind is wandering at a million miles hoping for some form of clarification. I’ll never know the answers. I’ll just trust God. But I’m terrified because I’m content where I am right now.

I could have had a family by now, I could have been happy. Instead, I dove head first into the unknown.

What I do know from this is that I’ll have changed. I’ll have been worthy. I’ll have been so many things I have not been or even considered myself to be.

And I’ll have support when I don’t think I have any.

“I walked out of your life because it seemed like the right thing to do – that I’d hold you back from you being you.”

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