The technician

I went in for an eye appointment today for a preoperative surgery. I knew that the chances were low because I have a scar on my right eye.

The doctor let me down nicely, and despite the fact I knew it was coming I couldn’t bring myself to not feel sad or disappointed.

“There may be a chance to have surgery, but it’s risky.”

I smiled, there’s nothing more I can do. I was blessed with both genetics and the grace of God to get a corneal ulcer in my right eye.

I tried hiding my disappointment today, but instead a close friend decided to insult me repeatedly citing that “I abandoned him in his time of need.”

It broke my heart. I try not to leave friends in the darkness but it happens because I have to take care of myself, plus they told me that my driving was awful and they never wanted me to drive them again.

“That’s fine, get to Baltimore yourself.” I said curtly and suddenly they’re issuing apologies and I’m hearing none of it.

“Well at least my face doesn’t give people food poisoning.”

I’ve been on the road to recovery for months now, I’ve been feeling a lot better but that comment put me on a set back that was unheard of. I got very quiet, my lips pursed and I tried not to cry. The culmination of events did in fact cause me to cry in the solace of my room.

I thought about it, this particular person is constantly attacking me, constantly fighting me and constantly destroying me from the ground up. And I let him destroy me daily. I’m partly at fault but I need to separate from him because he’s toxic to me.

I don’t need toxic people on my road to recovery. I need people who can lift me up and help me stand instead of shooting me down constantly.

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