This holiday season

I flew to the other side of the country for a graduation. It would be the first time I have seen my parents, sister, and dogs all together since I left. I didn’t sleep at all that night; I figured, the soft mumbling of the plane in the air would lull me to sleep.

I land and suddenly I’m swallowed by a web of people. Red sashes, hats, and coats flood the room, in the distance I see my sister. Four and a half years of studying to culminate in her name pronounced wrong and a horrible speaker, all designating that she can and is allowed to start her life.

I started my life almost two years ago. And I have little education to show by it.

We hug each other, cry some, and then proceed to driving back to another state to celebrate the holidays. I have two dogs on my lap and they’ve all but forgotten me. My parents also take this time to find out I’m pretty much broke and have an abusive friend who I can’t seem to get rid of.

We get to our intended destination and suddenly it hits me. No presents will be given to me – I’m working and where I’m going next requires only a backpack, underwear, and running shoes.

As thankful as I am that I’m home with my family, I feel more alone than ever. I suppose it’s because I’m an adult now and I take care of people that I feel entitled.

And therein lies the problem. Without realizing it, I became more selfish and more entitled and I need to squash this bug. I began looking at the positive. For the first time in two years we are reunited. We are home. We are family.

There are those who are envious for just that.

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