Changes

I am now nineteen and I’ve flown around the world and done things many people only dream of. I’ve managed to make people laugh, cry, smile, and get frustrated. I myself have found myself in those situations. In the past few months I’ve done a lot of growing up, realized what pain was, and held onto those I cared about. They held me up when I needed it the most.

The past few months have been a complete struggle for me. There was no moment where I never asked myself if I should quit now and leave, go back to who I was. There were moments where I pretended I was okay but I really wasn’t. I kept telling myself that people prayed for me and knew I could do it but I kept falling down and struggled to get back up. People helped me up, but I kept getting scared and forgetting my own strength. But despite the fear I smiled and found humor in the situation.

“Mem, you are resilient and that will be your greatest ally in your life.” Says a man I truly respect on the last day I was there. The changes are now set forth, and suddenly I feel lighthearted and stronger.

In my moment of weakness I found myself. I found humor in any situation that was given to me and spread it like an infection in an environment that tended to crush souls. Humor doesn’t transfer well on paper, but, at least it sticks in memory forever.

It never mattered who I was or where I came from, what I wanted to be or what I ended up doing. I’m living, breathing and supported by friends and family.

I’m now nineteen years old, still wondering about my future but now feel secure enough to let God lead me. I have a better understanding of myself and I’m still learning. My life and possibilities now seem so endless.

Veterans Day

Next year I will be wearing the uniform I have admired all my life and it baffles me. When did I grow up? I thanked many people today for serving my country and am going to make cookies for them, and just deliver them to passerbys because I want to show my gratitude before I become one of them.

Regardless of who the president is, what the wartime situation is, a soldier must always serve by oath, country first.

An email

I sent a message to most of my Facebook friends informing them of my decision to join ________ and that I needed support during ________. The response has been overwhelming. I’ve been able to talk to so many people and discuss with them what this means to them and rekindled old friendships.

I cannot wait for this new chapter of my life, but at the same time too, I won’t be the girl I used to be.

Money means nothing

I feel as if somebody just slapped me across the face.

Hard.

I feel as though my entire world has crumbled beneath me. I feel as if I’m drowning underneath the weight of words and fantasies.

Most of all, I feel as if my final decision is frowned upon by many people I love and adore.

And a silent voice calls out from the darkness. Tells me it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to ask questions, it’s okay.

Because I’m not the only one.

Not the only one who was so scared of their decision and loving their life because it was theirs. The rest will watch your happiness and follow.

I want to prove them all wrong, that I can be good and happy at the menial jobs they chose and at the salary I want. Money means nothing.

“When you feel the most down about your position, you are at your most vulnerable, it’s then that friends will come to your aid and kick you back into shape or watch you drown.”

Service member

I ate lunch with a service member that works with my father today. Smart man, tall man, we sat and and in my ever-awkward presence was silent for most of the conversation, focusing, losing, focusing, losing.

“You’re going to do fine memoric.”

I looked him in the eyes for the first time and he stood up. I stood next to him. I was so small and frail compared to him.

“The small ones always have the most fight, don’t be scared.”

“I don’t have much of a fight,” I whispered. He looked at me and told me that I have much more fight than anybody else in the world could have ever imagined. I had to find it.

I looked up again and stared at his eyes. He wasn’t lying. I knew he wasn’t lying, he told me exactly what I needed to hear.

He told me what I refused to let myself discover.

Private memoric

Reporting for duty!

I signed a very important document today that guaranteed a future for me and a way for me to find myself. Needless to say I’m very excited and hope and pray that God takes me where ever he commands and where ever I need to be he will protect me.

Oh and happy Constitution Day! ^___^

Jitterbugs

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t been able to sit still all day.

I’ve been waiting anxiously for the next thirty minutes of my life, hoping and praying that things go well. I’m just worrying a little too much. My stomach is doing flips and I’m rather dizzied and elated.

It’s time to make a decision that will change my life forever.