Money means nothing

I feel as if somebody just slapped me across the face.

Hard.

I feel as though my entire world has crumbled beneath me. I feel as if I’m drowning underneath the weight of words and fantasies.

Most of all, I feel as if my final decision is frowned upon by many people I love and adore.

And a silent voice calls out from the darkness. Tells me it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to ask questions, it’s okay.

Because I’m not the only one.

Not the only one who was so scared of their decision and loving their life because it was theirs. The rest will watch your happiness and follow.

I want to prove them all wrong, that I can be good and happy at the menial jobs they chose and at the salary I want. Money means nothing.

“When you feel the most down about your position, you are at your most vulnerable, it’s then that friends will come to your aid and kick you back into shape or watch you drown.”

Service member

I ate lunch with a service member that works with my father today. Smart man, tall man, we sat and and in my ever-awkward presence was silent for most of the conversation, focusing, losing, focusing, losing.

“You’re going to do fine memoric.”

I looked him in the eyes for the first time and he stood up. I stood next to him. I was so small and frail compared to him.

“The small ones always have the most fight, don’t be scared.”

“I don’t have much of a fight,” I whispered. He looked at me and told me that I have much more fight than anybody else in the world could have ever imagined. I had to find it.

I looked up again and stared at his eyes. He wasn’t lying. I knew he wasn’t lying, he told me exactly what I needed to hear.

He told me what I refused to let myself discover.